I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize