I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
