I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
