Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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