I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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