your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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