Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
