I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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