As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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