2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
