ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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