Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
