my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
