He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
