How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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