When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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