tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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