the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
