dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
