We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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