i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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