I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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