I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
