i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
