The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
