I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
