How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
