I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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