gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
