my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
