All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
