You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
