That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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