i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
