If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
