I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
