You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
