You can't special order awesome
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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