Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
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