Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
