ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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