He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
