this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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