Can i not drive my cunt home
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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