i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
