they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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