is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
