I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize