ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i think my cat just said my name.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
