Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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