Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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