they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
