Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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