I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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