He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
