I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
