the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
