You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
