is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I deserve this hangover.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
