i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
