you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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