I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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